calibrating the objective function
optimizing – for what?
who am i?
what is my identity?
how do i shape it?
Inquiry
“You are the books you read, the films you watch, the music you listen to, the people you meet, the dreams you have, and the conversations you engage in. You are what you take from these. You are the sound of the ocean, breath of the fresh air, the brightest light and the darkest corner. You are a collective of every experience you have had in your life. You are every single second of every day. So drown yourself in a sea of knowledge and existence. Let the words run through your veins and the colors fill your mind until there is nothing left to do but explode. There are no wrong answers. Inspiration is everything. Sit back, relax, and take it all in.”
― Jac Vanek (Author, Entrepreneur)
I was recently tasked with a Getting-to-Know-You survey for an internship, which began with basic inquiries such as name, school, and field of study. I tossed in my current favorite movies and jotted down my dream job, but right as I was about to finish, the last question stumped me.
“What are you known for?”
20 years spent on this floating rock, 28 semesters of learning, countless podcasts and books - and yet a definitive answer to this question still eludes me.
Brother, son, friend; student, writer, researcher; runner, raver, fighter. There’s no shortage of labels that we can assign to ourselves, but labels only tell the most surface-level side of the story. To unlock a finer level of granularity, we need to consider how the sum of these parts encapsulates the whole.
The first major component to address is that the present tense of the verb “are” in “What are you known for?” implies the existence of a hidden word at the end, a word that introduces layers of complexity while simultaneously simplifying the process of exploring the answer.
“What are you known for now?”
Assessment
We each have infinitely many attributes and characteristics to lean into, with nonzero compositions of any extreme end of all spectra. Taking MBTI scores as an example, even the most rational ENTJs (Commanders) are fractionally sensitive to feelings and emotions.
As an aside, I love to take personality tests and online quizzes. I enjoy seeing the results — comparing my Dragonfruit (innovative, ambitious, creative) personality type to my friend’s Watermelon (energetic, fast-paced, life-of-the-party). However, there are a few assessments that we take multiple times across years, and it’s fascinating to see how the results evolve as a result of our life experiences.
Call it a growth mindset, neuroplasticity, or the mentally adaptive concept of your choice - we are designed more dynamic than static, blessed to grow rather than to stagnate. The you you are now is only you as long as you want it to be you.
This leads us to the question…
“What do I want to be known for?”
“You can be the master of your fate and you can be the captain of your soul but you have to realize that life is coming from you and not at you.”
— Timothée Chalamet (Actor)
I thought of people I look up to. Not particularly the kind of people I’d write about in a “who’s your hero” essay question, but rather people I consider to be the highest quality humans I’ve had the privilege of being acquainted with. These people don’t just play the game of life; they exude life itself. They are strong-willed, virtuous souls who brighten up rooms with their presence and have high standards for not just those around them but themselves as well. They all happen to be, by coincidence, accomplished. But when the thought of them surfaces in my mind, any achievement is dwarfed by their sophistication, wisdom, or other virtue.
What makes them this way? Some were conditioned by an extreme breadth of life experience; others have an obsessive dedication to honing their craft and spike. I’m still figuring out the answer myself, but my musing has led me to the conclusion that this is the character archetype I aim to channel further.
So, how do I get there?
Optimization
If you add industrial engineering logic to the above philosophy, you derive the following: You can be anything, but not everything. All (feasible) optimization problems contain variables that can be augmented or diminished, resulting in a prime medley of these elements that resultantly optimizes an objective output.
Here are a few of the outputs I’ve been optimizing as of late…
Happiness
Happiness is optimal. It’s the prime state of being for success; it allows us to perform at peak conditions. I think it’s crucial to love ourselves just as much as we love those close to us. This isn’t to endorse indulging in instant gratification or cheap dopamine. At least to those who are self-aware enough to see through the smoke, those indulgences are not conducive to true happiness in the first place. We need to leverage neuroplasticity to condition us to be happy, which in turn conditions us to live fuller lives.
Dad Lore
If nothing else, the concept of “dad lore” serves as a framework by which we can encourage ourselves to live lives worth living. Making decisions with an end goal of amassing endless stories to tell my kids at the dinner table has resulted in some of the most eye-opening, spontaneous, and transformative journeys I’ve had the fortune of partaking in. From training to become a combat athlete to adventuring in SF’s Tenderloin until 4 a.m. to learning to surf in Hawaii in the middle of the semester, it’s the least I can do for my future self to capitalize on my youth and pave a path I’d be proud to look back on.
Humanity
I’m still figuring this one out, but I perceive the optimization of humanity as unlocking as much of our potential as humans as possible. Cognitively, physically, philosophically, and otherwise, it’s the pursuit of entirely tapping into what we’re capable of while having complete awareness and control of these elements of ourselves. This opens up a vast cosmos of possibilities for self-development, and I couldn’t dream of maxing out any of these stats anytime soon. Still, I find that even the exercise of formulating a framework to methodically sculpt and shape these malleable spheres of life is quite energizing.
Consciousness
As a caveat, I think there’s a subtle beauty in suboptimality, in imperfection. At the end of the day, we’re all just people, trying our best to figure it out. Throughout it all, it’s vital to experience this process with intent, with a conscious sense of purpose and direction.
I’m still searching for a response to that last question of the survey, and truth be told, I was in a rush to send it in (at the time, we were running late to that surfing lesson in Hawaii). I ended up with a phrase I knew would stand the test of time —so long as I kept thinking, so long as I kept writing.
“For being exceedingly philosophical.”
